I went to a messy paint class the other day. The one where your child will get soaked in paint from head to toe. I’ve always enjoyed WATCHING my baby get super messy and enjoy getting paint everywhere.
Like most moms, I take a million pictures and feel happy for her.
However, this particular class was different.
My daughter is wild- she likes to play in the dirt, enjoys painting herself, licking walls, and getting wet any chance she gets. And I love it!
As always she got covered from head to toe and I walked around her taking pictures… as she saw her teacher put paint on her face and her arms she wanted to share what she just saw with me.
The first time she came over to me I sort of brushed it off and told her to paint on the table.
The second time I let her put one handprint on my arm (with hesitation).
The third time I could see her hesitation and slow walking towards me in search of approval to get paint all over me. So I let her paint both my arms, she was laughing about it happy to be doing this.
The fourth time, She went for my face as she saw her teacher did, and I down flat rejected it- without hesitation.
She walked away and kept playing… when I said “not on my face” a mom friend looked at me and said why not.. and I just responded “because I have to drive”.. IDK it’s the first thing that came to my head.
But this reaction made me think, what am I doing? I am here telling my child is ok to play, to get messy, but most importantly TO ENJOY THE MOMENT.
I realized I was more worried of how I would look like driving with paint on my face, how I would clean up if I got dirty, etc etc etc. and then it hit me- I AM NOT PRESENT.
My child is asking me to enjoy this moment with her, she is begging for the need to be fully present with her and bond. To let go of the could be’s and should be’s and just be there.
This hit me hard. Because I always do things with my daughter- classes, crafts, you name it… I’m doing it. But there is a difference between being in the room and being fully present in the room. She gets messy, she is present, she enjoys it… but where am I? or better yet… where are my thoughts? Am I truly taking in the moment in which I am or am I thinking of tonight’s dinner?
When my daughter came back to me again I let her go to town with my face and she laughed and laughed. And I LET GO, I truly allowed myself to enjoy with her instead of enjoying it for her. Not standing on the sidelines.
Being present takes more than just showing up, it takes to stay there present in that moment regardless of what happens around you. All of your energy is embodied within you, letting go of our limitations and sometimes even silly thoughts that take away the magic of each moment. I can never get that moment with my daughter back, or the chance to connect and bond with her with the things that bring her joy.
At the end of the class, the teacher said that this was hands down the best class she ever had because in every class, all the moms never want to get dirty, never want to fully involve themselves. And this was the first time she saw this.
I think that for the most part, we are so focused on how much we want our children to enjoy that we forget to enjoy ourselves as well. Our children don’t care what class you are taking them to… they truly care about how you involve yourself with them, what bonding you do.. opening up the space and time for them to build trust and a safe place to be their authentic self.
Our children look at us for approval, it is in our hands to spark the flame within them or turn it off based on our behavior and response to them.
Becoming aware is the first step- practicing and building consistency is the goal.
